Saturday, January 14, 2012

Life in Recovery

 I apologize for not writing in so long.
   Who all who may not know, I suffer from compulsive over eating and most recently bulimia. I have been in eating disorder treatment previously but truly was not ready to completely surrender, but now I am ready to give it my all. I went into an eating disorder treatment center on May 2, and was released right before Memorial day weekend. I felt great, I was abstinent from sugar and flour, was picking up my 30 day chip that monday, and was doing what I needed to do. I fell back into working at a gym, starting to excercise and eventually I was excercising to much even though it was hurting my body. After 72 days of what I would call pink cloud abstinence I relapsed. I was devastasted. From June-September it was an up and down battle trying to get abstinent, and I restricted during day, binged at night, and thats how it was for awhile, and I was hardcore working out so I got really thin, but I still wasn't happy. In September/October I had finally gotten to my 30 days of abstionence and I was really getting my life together and doing well, and I fell into a relationship with a guy, who was also in recovery who had not yet fixed his drug issues, but I still gave it a shot. Let's just say I learned a big lesson. One not to fall to hard so soon, Two not to date early in recovery, and 3 Long term relationships and uncertainity if drug use, don't date a person. Anyways, after we broke up it was a complete down fall from there. Went into a major depression, and eventually it led me to treatment in December for  month in Orlando where I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar 2, I did got a lot out of it and learned many helpful life and coping skills, but my medications were still not correct, but I am working on getting my medications stabilized now.  I am still pretty in disease with my eating disorder, so I should be going early this week to treaatment in Arizona. I truly do want recovery this time I am ready for it. I want to be abstiennt and happy.  I have goals in life and I want my own family one day, and by living my life the way I am now I will never get there, but I will Get there! I know I will!!  I have faith that my higher power will guide me to recovery and that 2012 will be my year.. I am soooo ready! 

Thanks for reading

1 comment:

  1. Yay Sarah! just surrender and let HP love u and take care of you - You are an amazing girl and you deserve the best ♥ xoxo ♥